Where was the crystal ball....

Where in the world was the crystal ball 27 years ago? I certainly would not want to give back all of these years....I would not have my children. They are a couple of awesome people. I just hope my staying all of these has not screwed them up too much. Im hoping at 18 and 20 they are still young enough correct any wrongs done to them. I dont want them to think that women are subservient and that there dreams and desires dont count. They are equally as important as the males ......not less not more. This is all SO hard now, now that the blinds have been partially raised. I can catch a glimpse of what is right and I can see faded images of the person I was and wanted to be. I can shadows of my dreams. Now I just have to become brave enough to break free and reach for those and dust them off and polish them, maybe touch them up here and there. But those dreams back then are not quite the aspirations I have now. I can be more focused now. Going through the past 5 years has certainly given me a clearer view of many things. I have met many more people that have the same drives that I have. They are facing similar challenges. We know to be thankful for what we are left with each day...That their are many many more less fortunate. That we can make a difference in others lives and that that will trickle down to more. Its such a huge wonderful cascading effect! ...And God is there to help guide and protect and teach us along the whole path. Thats the hardest part.....to remember we are not alone on that path....i really have to remember that. During this whole transition I am going to be going through, I absolutely have to remember that! There are soooo many times I feel so alone. I am afraid of the moves I must make. I am afraid of being alone......I went from being someones child to someones wife then someones mom.......this is the first time I will be me, all by myself. It is something I absolutely need to do but something I am absolutely afraid of. To the point where I am physically ill at times. Please, dear Lord, please help me. pPlease give me the strength and the provisons I need for this journey.