Transformation Information

These past three days has been filled with exciting and sometimes confusing information, information that I have filed in my brain as Transformation Information...... Though my initial drive behind this long weekend was to relax and and become centered, I realized that it is going to take a while to learn to completely relax. I also wonder, is it possible to "completely" do this! I believe it will be an art I will have to learn or maybe relearn. I do however, feel more centered than I have in a long time. (Still, slightly off center, but thats what keeps life interesting...staying lopsided and still head sraight!) I have been afforded the wonderful opportunity to see first hand that two people can be a married couple and NOT compromise themself. That yes, there may be differences, and it is okay! You dont have to lose yourself , either of you, to be a wonderful, content, happy couple! That you can serve God as you please, and that a couples relationship is that much richer if you can share that closeness with God and yourself! What an amazing gift to give yourself and your mate! I aspire to that for myself ....and my two children! I am afraid, sometimes, that I have ruined my children for life! That they have not had a well rounded adult married couple to see as role models for a healthy relationship, though nothing on this earth is completely perfect (since, Eden, we have not been!) I believe I have two friends that compliment each other very well in an amazing relationship! They love and nuture themselves their mate and others so openly, it almost takes your breath away to come away with the realization that all this is possible! I believe it is their openess, their respect for themselves and each other, their relationship with God and church and the freedom to be an individual that creates this amazing situation! Which brings me to the movie, Brokeback Mountain......its not a movie about sex and sexual orientaion...its a movie about relationships and a persons ability to be true to oneself and to others. Yes, I did see where it pertains to myself .....and yes, that makes me sad too. Oh well, I dont have to be like the Heath Ledger character and become a waste of human potential...I can resurect myself and learn to love myself.....I am trying to see what others see....my glasses are dirty and bit scratched tho so I am going to have to work a little harder at it! LOL I do have to say tho that it makes me sad to see the waste of human potential in my husband...that is truly sad and he doesnt seem to want to be helped to bring back his old self...the man I fell in love with....at 50 years old, he has let life beat him down and refuses to see it that way or to pick himself up by his boot staps to revive himself. That is really very sad. I just got off the phone with my son tho and I now have a renewd sense that maybe all will not be lost with him and and I may not have to worry so much about having "ruined" him........he says he will go to church with me next weekend!!! I am very excited!!! I cant wait for him to see my new church and meet the wonderful people I am meeting! and he will meet Wayne and see for hmself that a man can be strong and caring and love God and his wife and himself and treat all with respect and still have enough of himself that he can afford to show that love and respect to friends and other member of the human race. Oh Celeste, maybe Derrick did just need to get away to get a new perspective and maybe clear his head so that he may hear God calling him too! (your prayers for my family are working.....hehe...thank you!) Oh yes, and thank you for helping to be my navigator!!!! This will be a fun trip!!!!