Argh!!

Well, it was a good idea to get away and become centered......it was a slice of heaven! Okay...real life is back! I much prefer my life outside of this town, this house....whatever it is! Three days back and all the anxiety is back. This is oh so confusing. I think I rediscover myself and in three days I am back to doubting everyword I speak, every move I make and every decision is an indicision. How can two people do that to me so quickly and so easily? (I know, better yet, how do I allow, two people o do that to me?) I know in my heart that not all men are horrible....but there are so many that are that I dont know if I'll ever be able to trust one in my life again.... yesterday, I see a man I havent seen in almost two years. He propositions me to have an affair. Today, I am back home and am ripped to shreds by two males who supposedly care for me, to the point where I cant stop shaking and I know sleep will not come easily. I try to do good and behave why does everything turn out like this? Am I reaping what I sow? I dont think so.......It just leaves me with saying, Argh!