Where Do I Start Again?

I have set down to write a new entry at least tens times in the past month and I just cant seem to separate my thoughts enough to write clearly. So if this sounds like a jumbled mess, I apologize now.
What a year this has been! Celeste, even though this has been a tumultuous one for our friendship, I do owe a lot to you in helping me to decide to take control of my life. For offering your help originally in my move and helping me to realize that was truly in an unhealthy situation. I do miss you....and I will miss you when I move on to the next phase in my life.
I will be moving back to Cherry Creek. Into a big old victorian house, that will become Garys and my home. The move will cause great discomfort for my exhusband....I feel badly about that but I cant let that stand in my way. I have never been treated with such love and respect from any man as I have from Gary. I cant lose that...Im not getting younger!
Gary and I enjoy so many of the same thing. I am really thrilled that he encourages me to enjoy the music that I was my life when I was younger and had to give up for the last 20+ years except for when my husband wasnt home. I am encouraged to paint and draw and sing and I dont get laughed at or discouraged.....and I laugh! Oh Lord! How wonderful to laugh! I truly thought I had forgotten how to laugh a real laugh. I found myself the past several years screeching a forced lauigh that was too loud and too sharp. My laughs are real and spontanious and natural now.
Packing will be a chore as I am still having a hard time with my leg not healing. At least now I dont have the presure of trying to find a job. I have worked so hard for the past 7 years to not be disabled but it will be easier on this worn out old body of mine to be legally labeled as such. Maybe I can start some sort of small business or someting to keep me busy and earn a little extra money. I will now be able to keep my car, pay for it myself and do as I please and enjoy life with a big ole lovable teddy bear to love and care for each other and have fun and laugh together. Someone to share good and bad without blame and added pain. Life is good.....God is good! Thank you Lord! You have blessed me! I know with your guidance my children will enjoy their lives and choices as well. I pray that you will also guide Scott to a happy life instead of the bitter one he has been living. In there somewhere is a good person...I know that...I remember that man. I just hope he can remember that part of himself and salvage the rest of his life and be happy and content also.